Our attitudes to characters are very much like those to action figures or dolls that we intend to play with. The Games Master snatches them out of our hands every now and then to play with them. It's easy for the GM to do so because despite the tax return in front of us, or even a diorama, our doll is made of words. And we let them because in all the ways to tell our stories we will eventually turn to the referee for a ruling - there goes our doll. But how does it feel seeing someone else playing with your toy? Are they playing with it right?
My character wouldn't do that.
I'm too polite to say this myself. It's what brats that don't want to play with the group say, isn't it? But I've certainly felt it, and it was often in response the most well meaning of GMs. Ones that had prepared quite a bit. I'm guilty of this too, I'll deliver a ruling and get distracted to focus on a new player. I deny agency because of the dice or of whim, and then I don't give it back.
I recently started putting a note inside the GM screen stating, ask the players. Reminding me to give players back their toys so that they can play with them. When a player talks about their character I know they've got their action figure and they're play-walking it across the table. I brought the most toys to the game, there really is no need for me to hang on to theirs.
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